Bloggus Interruptus

So, this post BEGAN as an informative and expository note about a tribe in Indonesia called the Kombai. The men wear cones on their penises--they are shaped into a perpetual erection and the larger the cone, the higher the male's status within the tribe. No shit, really. There are pics out there, documentaries on Discovery Channel and what not. Anyway--because I have been interrupted 150,789,330 times by la nina loca that post has gone to hell in a handbasket and now Mr or Mrs Reader, you are stuck with this crap. It's hard to think when you're being forced to play "mama" to the plastic baby AND real mama to la nina loca all at the same time. I also had to play doctor or something like it. All I know is that my living room is a hot mess, my blog post went to hell, and now it's the gd bedtime. Why, why can't I be the mom who lies on the couch drinkin booze, smokin some cigs (Marlboro Reds), watchin Springer and yellin at my kids to "go the fuck to bed before I smack the shit out of you"??????? No, I have to be the Barney watchin, 100% Juice drinkin, m'fuckin soccer mom. (with a mouth like a sailor--give me a fuckin break-it's one of my only vices!) So, there will be no scholarly report on a nomadic and sometimes cannibalistic culture acrosst the ocean. Just this crazy shit.

Great Expectations

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

I expect A LOT of my significant other. Quite honestly, my marriage is probably the ONLY place in my life that I seek or expect the highest level of focus and achievement on both parties involved. My life's calling should demand that I hold my students to the highest expectations and while I admit that I try, I must admit that I teeter on a tight rope between what I know they can do and what they really WILL do. Character flaw--whatever. My s.o., however, rarely gets any breaks in that area. I expect unfailing devotion, undivided attention, unwavering loyalty, and an unalterable passion. He must complete all manyly tasks without an utterance of question, in a timely fashion, and with perfection. I define what "manyly" tasks are btw. They encompass everything from driving to taking out the trash. Mind-reading and reading between the lines are necessary to meet my expectations. Did I forget pampering, massaging, and anticipating my chocolate and alcohol needs? He must discipline the children, tend laundry, make beds--be one hell of a multi-tasking m'fucker! Agility and speed are also necessary. He must be able to dodge moving objects and race to solve problems. Stamina. This is a must--a man with fortitude who knows how to "hunker down and pray for daylight." I am one demanding, high-maintenance, driven diva and thank you Lord that I have a mate who can keep up!!!!!!!! Mr., you rock at being my man!