Two Steppin Update

Mr. Muse Girl and I spent a few nights with an instructional video this weekend and are setting our sites on our Two Steppin night out! We practiced and laughed and practiced and made out and practiced and laughed some more! Mr. Muse Girl is quite the perfectionest and is very goal oriented. He loves a challenge! He was so Patrick Swayze (R.I.P.) in Dirty Dancing. I was alternating steps with swigs on my Heineken. Mr. Muse Girl, who is no drinker, was sober THE WHOLE TIME. I would get serious when I felt some time out or punishment coming my way. It was really a blast though. I'm gonna need a whole lot more practice or I will make a fool of myself and him when we take our act public. Throw out some names of some cool country western dance/bars in the Nashville area. I haven't been to one in a long, long, long, long, long time!!!!!! The less well known and flashier the better. If you read about Mr. and Mrs. Muse Girl in the bar before, you'll understand that I don't need to be in an environment that will encourage my inner ASS KICKER. Something old and laid back. I did make a promise to Mr. Muse Girl, God, and my readers that I would behave . . . . . .

Welcome Mr. & Mrs. - . . . . . . .

I can't help but giggle a little crazy giggle when I think of what poor Mr. & Mrs. BB have gotten themselves into!!! They thought they were winning a new home and instead they got one of the circles of hell reserved to curious and active young la nina loca's! She immediately zeroed in on MY ga-prize! After seeing every item--I was LUCKY--she saw her own ga-prize within the winning treat. After donning her new "puwhse" complete with "lips" and cool frog princess socks, she FOUND Mr. and Mrs. BB. It was love at first sight! She's got a thing for the fi-gurrs, ya know. I kept putting off her desire to touch and play with the couple. They were new to our house, after all. At bedtime, I put them on my nightstand and conducted the interview below with La Nina Loca considering our new residents. Afterwards, she played a make believe story with them in my bed that was rival to the Brothers Grimm adventures. PS-today when we entered the door, the FIRST thing she did was go to retrieve Mr and Mrs and the pic above shows where they ended up. Since that time they have witnessed a 45 minute all out louder than God himself tantrum. I'm talkin one for the record books. So, they are probably PISSED that they are in this new home where chaos apparently reigns! I will interview THEM in the next few days to see how they are feeling about their new digs!

Interview with La Nina Loca regarding Mr. and Mrs. Blither Blather figurrs: 9/28/09

Q. Where do you think they're going?
A. Swimming Pool!

Q. What do you think their names are?
Female: Ena (In-a) and Ochio (oooocheeeoooo)
Me: Ooookaaay. Whatever.

Q. What is he going to take pics of with his camera?
A. A giraffe
Me: at the swimming pool????
A. yeah.

Side comment from nina: "I think Daddy and me are going to play with them."
Me in my head: "No fucking way."

Q: What is her fave color?
A: Pink

Q: What music do they like?
A: Scooby Doo Music
Me in my head: Ooookaaay.

Side comment from nina: "is that a girl?"
Me: laugh!
Her: I think they're gonna marry and go swimmin!

Q. What is in his bottle?
A. Pennies

Q. What's he going to do with his peenies?
A. Look at them. Check on them.

Q. What do you think is in her bag?
A. Phone, perfume, makeup, her eyebrow ting.

Q. What do you think is in his suitcase?
A. Clothes, socks, phone

Side comment from nina: Can I play with them?
Me: Like what?
Her: The mom and dad, yah, funny looking, like statues!

Q. One last thing, do you have a question you want to ask them?
A. giggle, Chicken Butt!!! (followed by hysterical laughter)
Me: head shake and WTF????????

Welcome to the Jungle Mr. and Mrs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beggin to be Mrs. Brady

Watched The Brady Bunch marathon on TV Land ALL day today. No, I wasn't sitting around with a bong-ful smoking and eating Cheetos. I was cleaning various rooms of the house and since we have a TV in every room . . . I felt it necessary to keep a continuity of TV while I cleaned. Began with La Nina Loca's room because there was no space of floor that wasn't covered in her stuff. It looked like the toy box had vomitted all over. I sorted and folded and stacked and arranged for hours. I paused intermittently to concentrate on America's family. I moved to other rooms darting in and out replacing objects that had sneaked out of pocket. I vacuumed, mopped, and prepared dinner pausing for interruptions from EVERYONE--Mr. Musegirl needed this, La Nina Loca needed that, Middle child wanted something, Man child popped in for a visit, and the phone. The mo fo phone rang so many gd times! Then as I'm eating while wearing a layer of exhaustion, it hits me. That fuckin Mrs. Brady didn't do shit! Seriously, clips ran through my mind from the day---she was flipping through magazines after dinner with Mr. Brady when Alice walks in SMILING and pours them some post dinner coffee. I see her trying on vacay outfits--ski bunny suit, cowgirl . . . I see her sitting at the kitchen table when her girls bring in groceries AND put them away! All the while Alice busts her big ass doing everything. So, Mrs. Brady does not work outside the home, BUT what does she do??? Alice is the hired slave. If I were Mrs. Brady, I would attend all six PTA meetings, be room mother or some school shit like that. I might really have time to sit around with the bong full and some Cheetos. I guarantee Mr. Musegirl would be sooooooooo pleased with our sex life. Quickies in his office at lunch and all. Think of all the energy I could have! Will continue to fantasize what my life would be if I were Mrs. Brady!

I'd Like to Thank the Little People . . . .

I won! I won! I won!
La Nina Loca's fave words are "I'm the winter; you're the loser!" I didn't teach HER this; she taught me! I am the happy recipient of fellow blogger's contest to celebrate her big 5-0--Fifty followers that is!!! Have no clue what I really won but I have the LABEL, so who cares? Congratulations to me! Thanks Queen of Blither Blather Bitchn' for having a contest and to the gracious host who pulled my name from the basket!!!!!

BE-ware of the Bull

What you'll want. What you'll get.

Read my horoscope for tomorrow. If you work with me, you might read it. I don't promise tact or charm. Feelin' a little short-tempered. You'll likely get a gigantic dose of reality if you bring a big ole stupid idea to me tomorrow. You've been warned. Just sayin'.

Someone you work with is all excited about their latest idea, but after taking a closer look at what they want to do, you are going to see big holes in their plan. You owe it to them to speak up and voice your concerns. Use your tact and charm to get them to reevaluate their suggestion and help them fine tune it. They need a dose of reality, and you are just the person to give it to them.

Don't act crazy; don't play!

Shout Out: CB4D!

I put a new song on my player as a tribute to some "folks" who ROCK. It's in the cards that it was a gathering meant to happen . . . for a long time into the future.

Muse Girl's going Two-Steppin' Hot Damn!

Mr. Muse Girl sent me a two step instructional video to study!!!! (tried to post it for kicks, but it wouldn't process) Guess who's going two stepping?!! I am making the following solemn vow before Mr., God, and Muse Girl Readers:

I Muse Girl promise not to drink too much while on Two Step date.

I Muse Girl promise not to go after skanky ho waitresses who are after Mr.

I Muse Girl promise not to give Mr. any reason to leave me at the bar.

Can't wait! Thanks for saying yes, Mr.!

Want to Ride a Cowboy (actually just 2-step)

I learned to Texas Two Step once as training to be a youth minister at my church. Those who know me will find that little fact shocking. My three months in that position were quite shocking. Anyway, that's been A LONG, LONG time ago and I've been DYING to learn how again! DYING. I want nothing more in the world than to learn and then take my s.o., Mr. Muse Girl to a country joint and two step until I can't move!!! Several problems with this dream--#1. Don't know how. #2. S.O. not around a lot. #3. S.O. will NOT dance. #4. Not even tap his feet to a beat. #5. S.O. plus ME plus a drinking establishment = a WHOLE lot of trouble.

We've been to ONE bar in our eight year relationship. This is how it went: I'm drinkin like a mother fucker. We're with another couple. We're playing pool, listening to bad music, and having fun. S.O. doesn't drink, FYI. We're in a small, crappy little bar. The music is really bad. Anyway, S.O. is just a boyfriend at this point. He goes to the bathroom. I'm a jealous little cat. I see a cute little waitress enter the bathroom after him. That's all this closet redneck, jerry watchin', trailer trash, girl needed. I was headed for the bathroom with my empty beer bottle--gonna crack SOMEONE over the head. Him or the waitress who followed him in. I knew it was a secret assignation--knew it. Couple stopped me. He came out (sober, btw). I'm ALL worked up. Act the fool. He leaves my silly ass at that bar right then and there. Told me later when I caught up with him that he doesn't do all that. I needed to sober up, grow up, and act like the lady he feel in love with. I did. We never attended a bar together or separate again. HOWEVER, I am DYING to two step with my S.O. Soooooooooo, those of you who think we should give this date a try need to leave a comment. If we get 10 comments or more in favor of this date, I WILL bargain with all I've got--to make it happen. I promise a blog and maybe pics or a video of the event!!!

Think about it . . .

Thinking about the wisdom we pass on to those who listen. Here are some notable quotes that speak to me:

I have the heart of a man, not a woman, and I am not afraid of anything. Elizabeth I

Do not tell secrets to those whose faith and silence you have not already tested. Elizabeth I

A strength to harm is perilous in the hand of an ambitious head. Elizabeth I

I will not be triumphed over. Cleopatra

All strange and terrible events are welcome, but comforts we despise. Cleopatra

Any committee is only as good as the most knowledgeable, determined and vigorous person on it. There must be somebody who provides the flame. Lady Bird Johnson

Do not reveal what you have thought upon doing, but by wise council keep it secret being determined to carry it into execution. Chanakya

I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition. Martha Washington

It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others. Sydney J. Harris

Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations. Alfred Adler

Epistle to the Stuff

Dear Objects of My Home,

I don't know how the hell you have found your way out of the places you belong, but I'm pretty pissed about the whole thing. I look around and not a whole lot is really where it should be. I thought our motto was, "a place for everything and everything in its place"? So, what the fuck happened? I've been going ninety to nothing, true. I've ignored you a little, I know. Really, how does a pine tree branch find its way into the middle of the living room? Why is the large pile of laundry on my bedroom floor instead of the LAUNDRY room? Maybe I should put a sign on the door--LAUNDRY?? Oh, hello Allergy pills on the kitchen bar! Yes, you do belong in the mother fucking medicne cabinet, don't you? Thanks for the remind. I believe the two dozen books and toys do belong in another gd room after all. Well, I don't know what your problem is, but I want it taken care of prontinto. All of the objects in this house that are out of place better find their homes soon or I see the dumpster in their futures! Don't push me! I'll do it; I swear.

Yours forever,

Muse Girl

Shout out to my Pharmacist!

Karen Walker once said on an episode of Will and Grace that she was "thankful for a pharmacologist who is dumb as a box of hair." Here's to her pharmacologist and mine!

Been with out some very important meds for a week (no it's not my crazy pills-for those who know me--plenty of antidepressants in the cabinet)--these meds can literally be a life or death situation (eventually). Anyway, my doctor has proved to be useless in refilling this VERY important prescription in MY timely manner. I guess it's not his fault that I waited until I ran out to call??? Really, his nerve! So, out of desperation I'm calling Pharmacist to ask if he's gotten word from my doc that I can have the pills. No call. I whymper into the phone. He delightfully and without any reproach tells me that I may have a few days worth on the house!!!! WHAT? FREE pills! Oh, mama, it's a dream. I was there in 12 minutes. Swear, 12. So, Pharmie, I love ya! This one's for you!

Belated Advice from the Cock

Just now read this at 6:33 pm-day's almost over!

Chinese Horoscope for those born under the Year of the Rooster (or Cock as I prefer):

It's a day of multiple chances, so don't spoil it with useless gossiping. You'll have good health if you observe strict life hygiene. Be careful not to catch bronchitis. Get out of your routine and give new impetus to your pending projects. You'll have a hard time with your children. Your love life will know numerous annoyances. You'll ask yourself many anguishing questions, but don't overly dramatize the situation, as things are not as bad as you imagine!

#1. Already participated in gratuitous gossiping several times today.
#2. Didn't take a shower today, brush teeth or comb hair. Have drunk 2 beers already. Had fried food for lunch.
#3. Did laundry the same way I've always done laundry--all day.
#4. La Nina Loca is THE definition for "hard time" in all dictionaries!
#5. Been pawed at all day by significant other. Been interrupting in the middle of pawing all day by La Nina Loca.
#6. Asked myself about 1,000 anguishing questions since 7 a.m.

So, play for play this is how it goes:

It's a day of multiple chances, so don't spoil it with useless gossiping.(Done) You'll have good health if you observe strict life hygiene.(Done) Be careful not to catch bronchitis. (WTF???) Get out of your routine and give new impetus to your pending projects. (Done) You'll have a hard time with your children. (Done) Your love life will know numerous annoyances. (Done)You'll ask yourself many anguishing questions, (Done)but don't overly dramatize the situation, (NOT YET--but the night's not over yet!!!!!!!!!!) as things are not as bad as you imagine! (Haaaaa-like I believe that shit!)

Guess I should read these things earlier in the day . . . . .

Word of the Day

Restraint
–noun
1.
a restraining action or influence: freedom from restraint.
2.
Sometimes, restraints. a means of or device for restraining, as a harness for the body.
3.
the act of restraining, holding back, controlling, or checking.
4.
the state or fact of being restrained; deprivation of liberty; confinement.
5.
constraint or reserve in feelings, behavior, etc.
restrain
Synonyms:4. circumscription, restriction, imprisonment, incarceration.
Antonyms:4. liberty.

Observations and SHUT UP

This is a shout out to all of you who have been forced to sit through meetings that seemed to drag on and on because others who have a personal agenda can't shut the fuck up!
It's also a commentary on annoying shit.

Observation #1: The cruise wear you are wearing to work is TOT-ALLY inappropriate. You look like a dumb ass who missed his boat. That kind of attire is circumspect even on a vacation. Why would you think it's appropriate to wear to a place of business????? Go to fuckin Men's Warehouse and buy a gd shirt and tie!


Observation #2: You care already! We GET it! We KNOW you EXPECT the BEST of everyone! Yeah, we kind of get that everytime there's a competition--oh wait that's for your own EGO FEED. Who showed a movie, Disney movie for a few days? You, mother fucker, you.
You care, we get it. Shut up.

Observation #3: We don't care how YOU are used to doing things! That doesn't make you sooooo great okay? It just takes a few minutes of our precious time and we aren't anymore impressed than we were BEFORE you opened your mouth! Shut up.

Observation #4: You want us to comply, agree with the absurd, accept your word and shut up. We get it! We've gotten that message for quite awhile, okay? No need to beat us over the head with the colored stick once a month. Shut up.

Observation #5: We know you take important trips to cool places every year while we stay behind and work our ASSES off. No one wants to take that precious privilege away from you. Enjoy AND shut up.

Observation #6: Don't mix otc cold medicine and alcohol. The result is this blog.