Grand Finale

Readers this is the final Muse Girl posting!





After our guest left at about 4 p.m., we all three took a Turkey-induced nap. Upon waking I found some spicy pics on my camera! Mr. Muse Girl and I got to work right away producing a movie using the scintillating evidence left behind! It was too big to post, so I've posted the pics in order in the next post. So, if you're ready for some Thanksgiving Porn, here you go:





(Script recreated by Muse Girl based on the nature of the pics!)





The figurrs are in their resting place and notice the house is quiet. Inna (female) says to Ochio (0-chee-o) "You never take me anywhere anymore. We never do ANYTHING but sit here and watch life go by"


O: "Well, what do you want? What will make you happy?"


I : "I want to go out. I want to party! I'm still a woman. You don't even notice me anymore."


Tears begin.


O: "Oh, hell, I'll take you to dinner. We'll have a party afterwards. Just stop all the gd crying already!"


I: (sniffs) Okay, only if you really want to."


O: go get perdy.


Inna goes off to the bathroom of the dollhouse to clean up.


Ochio goes to the doll computer to update his status on his My Space.


They go have a romantic plastic dinner on Princess dinnerware.


I: "Oh, Ochio, I feel twenty years old again!"


O: "Great. Does that mean you'll put out tonight?"


They leave and go get in the hot tub.


Their party guests arrive. Aqua Barbie and Max Thunder (ex Porn-Star)


"We're out here in the hot tub!"


Max: "Whoo-hoo! Let's get this party started" (removes pants and jumps in)


They all share a beer and some laughs. The men decide it's time for some drunken, naked, deck-diving and head upstairs.


They shout their manhood statements from the balcony.


The gals cheer them on below.


Max jumps without much grace and promptly falls rocking his dome.


Barbie runs to embrace him. They share a moment of drunken love.


I: O, baby, don't jump, please.


O: What? You don't think I'm maaaan enough? I'm ALL man baby. ALL man. He reaches for his shorts waistband.


I: O, you drunken stupid bastard! Keep your gd shorts on and get your dumb drunken ass down here out the front door before I come up there and beat the living shit out of you!


O: Okay. But if I do, will you put out tonight?


I: Get the fuck down here, now.


Ochio emerges from the front door. Barbie and Max have begun drinking again. Inna and Ochio join in and they take some more fun pics. Ochio tells them he's going the bathroom. He really goes to his computer to post the new pics as his status update on his My Space. The girls and Max go back to the hot tub for some hot fun. Ochio joins them for one more round of drunken hot tub games. Friends don't let friends drive drunk; so, Inna and Ochio let Barbie and Max sleep over. Inna and Ochio go sleep it off on the couch. A few seconds later, Ochio smiles and lights a stolen cig from Mr. Muse Girl. They all load up and drive to eat some more plastic pretend food and pretend it's Cracker Barrell. Inna and Ochio arrange themselves back in their resting place.


O: Well, was it everything you hoped it would be?


I : Sure, let's go with that.


O: Well, as long as your happy.


I : Did you delete all those pics????


O: oooops.


I : Great. You know that depraved woman that sits at the computer is gonna plaster us all over the internet now. . I'll never show my face at another yard sale or white elephant exchange again!There went my respectability


O: Sure, let's go with that.


The End!

Thanksgiving Success

Very, very glad that I decided to host again. It was the most perfect Thanksgiving in many, many years! The food rocked, family behaved, and it was all over by 4:00. Thanks for the encouragement. I would not have wanted to miss out on this!

Retirement

Well, guys, I've decided that I'm retiring from the blogging biz. I wanted to blog for a long time before I started. I had a private blog for awhile and encouraged others to start. I made mine public and have really enjoyed the experience. Surprisingly, one of my biggest "fans" has been Mr. Muse Girl. He loves checking in on my blogs. It has brought us closer. My man child even became a reader after I interviewed him about the "figurrs." I have decided that I would love for my faithful readers to leave one last comment telling me their fave post of all from Muse Girl's Thoughts. I'll leave the blog up until after Thanksgiving and may post again until the weekend when I retire it all for good. Honestly, it's just an outlet for nervous creative energy that had no where to go. It was a way to fill empty time that is no longer really empty. I don't want to lose my title, so I'll leave the last post on Muse Girl's Thoughts to keep it on hold in case I ever come out of retirement. So, please, if you read my blog-even if you don't "follow" officially, leave an anonymous comment on your fave blog post!
X-O-X-O

Verdict on the Big Turkey Day is in

Yes. I am cooking. Good advice from other people and my own real desires win and I am cooking! I never really have to "clean up" afterwards but I clean as I cook so there's that. We have new attendees this year who have never attended. It will be more casual than in years passed. I will be drinking more than in years passed. I am excited about it no matter what. I want to feed the people I care about. BTW, my mom, who rolled out the red carpet on holiday dinners, told my sis that I was going to order a turkey and serve potato chips. Funny. No, I'm not serving potato chips. There will be honest to God, real, from scratch whipped potatoes. I guess when I used the words "casual" and "not a big production" she got confused???

Watch Out!

Gosh, got a mean streak comin like a mother fucker. It was provoked btw. I play nice. UNTIL you fuck with me or mine. Sooooooo, have had a lot of fun recently plotting against a particularly irritating prick in my side. Did I say prick? I guess I meant bitch. Did I say bitch? I guess I meant crick. Anywhoo. Every been backstabbed? Ever felt like you were "All in This Together" (High School Musical Song)? Only to find out all but ONE? Or maybe TWO? There are those who cannot think or speak for themselves after all and blindly follow where no man should ever go and how two ever did is a freakin' MIRACLE! I'm bringin it. It is slow to come but will indeed come.

Dictionary.com says:

back⋅stab:
–verb (used with object), -stabbed, -stab⋅bing.
to attempt to discredit (a person) by underhanded means, as innuendo, accusation, or the like

Urban dictionary says:

backstab

Pretending to stick up for you at work and later you find out they've been talking trash about you. (In fact, saying the exact opposite). Striking you down from behind.
Jon told me that he stuck up for me. But he actually voted to get me fired and he knew in advance it was going to happen. He backstabs.

I say:

Watch your back.

La Nina's Fashion Strike!!!!

La Nina Loca's fashion strike actually began at the tender age of about 2 1/2. Before she could speak fluently, she made her opinions known about her clothes--what she wanted to wear and NOT wear. I was fortunate enough to receive donations to her closet before she could walk from multiple sources in multiple sizes. I painstakingly separated these donations by size and season. Every season and size change, I'd pull out the bin and we'd separate by what she would and would not wear. Swear. I found that the Fall stage for this age was short and went shopping a few weeks ago. I made her go and pronounce opinions on my selections for her. She said yes to few and no to most. We came home with about 5 tops (didn't need bottoms). Out of those 5, she has refused to wear all but 1. Yes, ONE.
Every morning I choose either one or two outfits. We fight. I win some but lose more. She'll agree to bottoms but NO tops or a top but no bottoms or a dress that requires an undershirt and NO undershirts etc. I will pick something that she loved and chose last week and it is instantly rejected this week. There appears no rhyme or reason to her whimsy. Sometimes I believe she is geniuine in her dislike but most of the time I just think she's being a dictatorial bitch. Loveable, adorable--dictatorial bitch.
Side note-as I write she has changed into her bathing suit and sandles (it is 6:40 in the evening and NOVEMBER).
This last weekend I decided we'd end this whole she-bang. I was DONE with this daily bite me on the ass sting first thing in the morning. We went through clothes together. She ditched all 4 new shirts but the one. We went up a size in our donation boxes b/c I'm desperate. She wanted to ditch almost all of it!!! There were tears (hers and mine). Spankings. Harsh Words (hers and mine). Daddy got involved. Nothing was really solved. It was an emotional standstill--fashion truce of 2009. I gave up a whole lot more than she did, for the record.
So, Monday morning came. I presented two options. Neither were accepted. There were tears, harsh words, and we were back to square one. We pulled a Frankenstein together and the end result looked like Cyndi Lauper had thrown up her fashion taste all over my la nina. Teal t-shirt with Pet Shop characters, blue jean mini with pink fur around the bottom, black winter tights, pink hello kitty socks and tennis shoes.
Day Two: I lay out THREE outfits. Two of which have been accepted other days. None were accepted. Negotiations began and ended rather quickly and we were out the door.
I really, really don't know what the fuck is up with this and don't want to know. I would however like it to end. and end quickly and for forever more.
For all of those judgemental readers out there who are saying to themselves, "MY daughter never did that. I showed HER who was boss." or "You shouldn't let her take control. You should show her who's in charge" all I have to say is come on over and give it a try. Walk a mile, ladies and gentlemen. Count your blessings if your child is the picture of cooperation and say a little prayer for me in place of a few judgemental statements.
Now for La Nina's Fashion Quotes of the week:
"That's lame."
"That's so lame!"
"Isn't THIS beautiful?" (her bathing suit)
"I can't wear that. It's 'dus uncomfable."
"I can't believe you think dat's adowable."
"I like this dress."

She better end up being a CoCo Fucking Chanel after all this bullshit!

Thanksgiving Approaches!

Halloween is my favorite holiday of all time. Thanksgiving is in a very close second. As a child growing up, we never went to relative's houses for any holidays. It was my immediate family in our modest trailer in our town. The feast was beyond fabulous; my mom can cook! Since those days, I have celebrated this holiday with in-laws (two diff. sets) in beach locations and homes. I hosted my first Thanksgiving at the age of 24 or so. It rocked. My parents and my then bro in law were the only ones in attendance besides my husband (at the time) and my oldest child was about 2 or 3. Memorable. My next most memorable Thanksgiving is sad, but still up there on my list. My last Thanksgiving with my father. I had moved back to town and was divorcing. I cooked Thanksgiving in my small apartment for my parents, my two oldest children, and my boyfriend (current hubby). The table was tiny but the food large! My dad's health was very poor and he took a bad tumble that day. He passed one month later. He loved to celebrate and loved food and loved me. All I could be thankful for in one day!. I've been the hostess of this day for the majority of the years passed. I am not the oldest girl in my family and this tradition seems odd sometimes to others. I love cooking for the people I love. I don't love cleaning up the mess! This year is a dilemma. The big day is only two weeks away and we don't have a real plan. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and I don't want this day to just slip by. The last year has sucked personally for me in so many ways . . . lost my house, my husband, my dog. I've gained my husband again, a group of dear women friends, etc. I sort of want to eat out this year. My heart isn't in the cooking. This on going debate must be solved! I'm listing pros and cons. Feel free to leave comments full of meaningful advice that I may listen to or ignore.

Pros to cooking:

I'm a good cook.

It gives me something to do.

It creates a memory for my daughter.

It will make my husband happy to stay home.

My father in law always comes when I cook.

It gives me an excuse to drink before noon.

It's an excuse NOT to go to in-laws.

Leftovers!!!!!

Cons to cooking:

It cost $$$$.

It is a big pain in the ass.

Cleaning up is a son of a bitch.

Some of my family gets on my nerves.

Most of my family gets on my nerves.

Leftovers!!!!!

Hmmmmmm. . . . . . .

Today I'm Thankful For:

I find myself in a thankful mood this evening. Despite my sailor's mouth, I am really spiritual and say my prayers daily. I pray for family, strangers, friends, and even enemies. Saying thanks for all kinds of things tonight and not meaning any blaspheme or disrespect in anyway.

I am thankful for:

1. my bathrobe and warm socks.

2. the smiles and warm laughter of my friends.

3. the strong capable hands of Mr. Muse Girl who hugs, works, cleans, and disciplines!

4. belly laughs and silly words from La Nina.

5. the tasty ice-cold Heineken waiting for me in the fridge.

6. the absence of a few pests who are serving time in other locations.

7. big boy children who smile and call their mama.

8. a sense of humor that allows me to laugh at the more fucked up aspects of life.

9. the upstairs neighbors aren't making a lot of racket tonight.

10. ten minutes with Mr. Muse Girl!!!!!!

Shut up Stars!

Not feelin' the horoscope forcast for tomorrow.

You'll need to watch your step at work as there will be hurdles to jump. Try to be patient and diplomatic with your friends to have an enjoyable time together. Find time to relax at home with your family. Be considerate and entertaining with them.

Patient and Diplomatic? Considerate and entertaining? What? I don't like any of those words.

Another one for tomorrow:

Have a little faith in your abilities instead of looking to your sweetie for cues. Instead of thinking that you're sub par, examine your situation. Is there a chance this simply isn't challenging enough for you?

I don't like this one either, BUT I'm translating it to mean that Mr. Muse Girl should attend to the grocery shopping as it "simply isn't challenging enough" for me!

I may start "shopping" through other sun signs for a horoscope that I like and then I'll claim it for my own.

Ooooppppssss!

FYI-Be careful what you blog about. Mr. Muse Girl keeps reminding me that he "has 10 spare minutes." Ooopppsss!

Why is the Universe Fucking With Me? Part II

Ok. Called the stupid mother fuckers back again tonight. AND I spoke with a person. Not just one person, but TWO. Yes. Two, short, clipped-voiced, pissy people-humans. Lovely way to end a Lovely as fuck day. The interesting thing, apart from the a million numbers and shit I punched in, is that neither unembodied voice had any fucking idea why I was calling!!! They, for some reason, thought that I created the situation that necessitated the stupid ass calling. Assholes. Stupid assholes. So, here's the double finger to the giant corps. of America. DOUBLE BIRD!!!! Thanks Amy and Tony at **** ** ****** for wasting 10 minutes of my life. I mean in ten minutes I could have called my mom, who btw would know WHY I'm calling. I could have played a silly game with La Nina. I could have had a heart 2 heart w/Middle Child about his life. I could have pleasured Mr. Muse Girl fast and nasty. I could have stared at my fave TV show for 10 whole minutes! I could go on and on, but I won't. Done. They are dead to me (spit) dead.

Why is the Universe Fucking With Me?

Seriously, is Mars in Retrograde? Is Mercury going into its lunar phase or some shit? I am speaking to you live while on hold with one of America's biggest corps. So, far, I have punched in 10,000 numbers, said a few commands, been told someone will "assist you momentarily" Yeah, right. WTF? I've been on hold for about 8 mins. now mother fuckers. I'm telling you now, no offense intended, but if I have to speak to someone in a gd foreign country and guess whatever the fuck they're saying, i'm gonna act crazy. I will cut someone, cuss someone etc. I'm supposed to be at a family birthday celebration, but I'm on hold with these trifling mother fuckers. I bet they're all huddled around in the break room laughing and drinking it up about all of the people they're punking! Maybe office Joe and secretary Sally are fucking in the copy room? Maybe they're all passing a big fattie around and saying, "cool, man." Who the fuck knows? Not me! So, their music is some seriously fucked up synthed out bullshit. I've had two very important calls while on hold with these stupid asses. TWO. I am an important mother and what not. Other people need me--selfish, corporation assholes.Okay, making a count of how many times they ask me if I need assistance: one, two, three, four---FULL OF SHIT!!!! going to family b-day celebration. SCREW'em!!!! Lying mother fuckers.