Why is the Universe Fucking With Me?

Seriously, is Mars in Retrograde? Is Mercury going into its lunar phase or some shit? I am speaking to you live while on hold with one of America's biggest corps. So, far, I have punched in 10,000 numbers, said a few commands, been told someone will "assist you momentarily" Yeah, right. WTF? I've been on hold for about 8 mins. now mother fuckers. I'm telling you now, no offense intended, but if I have to speak to someone in a gd foreign country and guess whatever the fuck they're saying, i'm gonna act crazy. I will cut someone, cuss someone etc. I'm supposed to be at a family birthday celebration, but I'm on hold with these trifling mother fuckers. I bet they're all huddled around in the break room laughing and drinking it up about all of the people they're punking! Maybe office Joe and secretary Sally are fucking in the copy room? Maybe they're all passing a big fattie around and saying, "cool, man." Who the fuck knows? Not me! So, their music is some seriously fucked up synthed out bullshit. I've had two very important calls while on hold with these stupid asses. TWO. I am an important mother and what not. Other people need me--selfish, corporation assholes.Okay, making a count of how many times they ask me if I need assistance: one, two, three, four---FULL OF SHIT!!!! going to family b-day celebration. SCREW'em!!!! Lying mother fuckers.